Day
by Zerovk
Summary: It took kaname a day . One day to like him , another to feel attracted , a third to get attached and realize he would miss the said - badly - . { Prewritten one-shot } Kaze kanamexzero Harukaxzero


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It took Kaname a day .

One day to like him , another to feel attracted , a third to get attached and realize he would miss the said - badly - .

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After about 8 hours , I have finally arrived at Narita international airport . Taking a deep breath , I closed my eyes and gripped my belongings tight , as if seeking for a tangible evidence that I was not dreaming . It's been so long since I last came back home after all . Everything feels .. Like a dream . And I'm not just talking about my biological hour .

I let my eyes scan the whole area , smiling when I noticed a cute little girl tugging at her mother's clothes , demanding attention . Watching so many Asian faces Looked foreign to my Caucasian-features- accustomed-eyes .

" Ah ! I'm sorry . " Someone bumped into me then quickly apologized , even though I was to blame . After all , it was not time for me to daydream .

" Oh ! No worries . It was my fault , actually ."

It was only when the short girl blinked at me , her eyes full of confusion that I realized I had actually answered in English . ( She was not short for a typical japanese girl but since I got quite used to girls being taller , it seemed odd to me . )

" Sorry . It's been long since I last conversed in japanese . " That time , I did not speak in English and watched as she blushed and nodded in understanding .

" Sorry again . It was my fault for standing like that . " With a final apology and a charming smile , I bowed a little and excused myself . It seems , my mind still knew about japanese culture to a certain degree . Foreigners don't go about bowing in respect every time they converse now, do they .

I was about to move ahead when another realization hit me , spending so much time abroad must have affected my mother tongue more than I ever thought possible , if the way she strained her ears to process my words was any indication .

Shrugging , I ruffled my chestnut brown hair and proceeded towards the crowd of people waiting for their relatives , friends or whoever arrived from abroad .

No sooner had I left the girl than I noticed a banner with my name written on it and a familiar figure , wearing oversized shades and a cap , holding it . Grinning , I waved my hand up in the air and shouted his name . His head shifted , trying to locate the source of the voice calling him and when his eyes finally fell on me , he smiled from ear to ear and urged a guy next to him - most definitely his boyfriend - to move along . Though I was not exactly updated about my friend's life , I knew that much - gratefully - .

His boyfriend had on a cap as well but no shades and from such distance , I couldn't catch a good look of him . Though there was one thing that stood out , he was definitely shorter and way tinier than my best friend , Haruka . We have known each other ever since childhood but then college life , career , and our dream jobs separated us . Seeking education abroad under constant encouragement from father , I left Tokyo whilst he stayed .

Taking into consideration the busy nature of college life , time difference and all , we rarely got a chance to talk and hardly kept in touch . When I decided to go back home , Haruka offered to both , welcome me at the airport and let me stay over .

During that time , we have both experienced all sorts of romantic emotions - liking , feeling attracted to and loving someone - . But it was Haruka being lucky enough to actually get in a relationship .

I knew that Haruka's had a lover whose name was Kiryuu Zero but that was it . I never knew how he looked like . Haruka wasn't the showy type so he didn't enjoy posting about his love life all over social media and even if he did , I wouldn't have had time to check the pictures out .

We have all inched closer and finally stood right in front of each other . I gave Haruka a half hug that lasted for good 60 seconds then retreated , my eyes slowly moving towards his boyfriend . As soon as I stared at his features up close , I nearly lost my smile .

 _This just couldn't be_ .

I have heard about people having look- alikes and knew it was real but could never understand just how much of a resemblance could get involved . Some greater power up there must really hate me . I couldn't even begin to imagine how the next few days would escalate since I would be staying with Haruka whose boyfriend shared a great resemblance with the last person I ever wanted to remember .

 _Why did my best friend have to fall in love with a guy who looks exactly like_ .. My train of thoughts ground to a halt as I faintly noticed my current situation . Though I had perfectly masked my emotions , it seems I was a little bit too late about it , because the guy sent me a certain look . He was obviously confused by my reaction . I should have greeted him and all but I stood there , staring at him like he was hell itself .

" How does it feel like to live abroad , ha ? " Haruka asked as he flung an arm around my shoulder ,completely snapping me out of my haze and for that , I was immensely grateful . though a very small part of me kept thinking about his boyfriend . It took me some seconds to register my friend's words and when I did , my mind decided to take a quick journey down the memory lane , scanning my life so far .

 _' How does it feel like to live abroad '_ A question that stuck to me my whole life . well .. Not exactly , but you get the idea . I'm Japanese , living in Canada because of my father's preference . I've attended college , graduated , and planned to have a job there as well . Most people think of it as cool and in a way , it is .. To be living in a country with different culture , to wake up every morning and walk the streets , watching different faces , foreign ones . It's simply magical - a whole new world , experience , and lifestyle altogether -. However , there was always that nagging feeling that kept telling me I was not home . And It was that feeling that kept pulling me back to Japan .

Putting on the poker face , I smiled briefly then proceeded answering him .

After a few moments , he pulled away and gently touched his boyfriend's shoulder , introducing him to me .

I stiffly nodded towards him , acknowledging his existence , smiling formally as he greeted me in a polite manner no less awkward than mine .

We didn't spend much time in the airport since Haruka rushed us towards the exit and eventually , his car . My lazy friend has not changed much - he didn't even bother to drive and instead , let his boyfriend do that - which satisfied me . I don't like things or people to change , unless it was for the better .

The ride back home consisted of heavy silence that seemed more disturbing to me than initiating a conversation with Haruka- who I highly doubted was asleep- and his boyfriend who was busy driving . But I still decided to give it a try .

" How is your channel going ? " I spoke up , knowing Haruka would answer me if he was awake . I heard him humming , as if contemplating his answer before he finally replied in a smug fashion " Would 734 , 267 subscribers answer your question ? "

My jaw could have dropped at that . Haruka has a youtube channel where he posts videos of him rapping and playing musical instruments . But I had no idea he'd become so popular . what's the term ? Ah . Internet celebrities .

" I met this guy , Senri , he has been collaborating with me which made my channel even more popular since I compose and rap while he sings . He has a very unique voice . Sometimes , Zero joins us too . His songwriting skills are great " Haruka narrated , drawing a humble chuckle from his boyfriend and a cry of surprise from me . I knew my friend was gifted but didn't expect his channel to go that far .

Leaning forward , I stared in awe at him.

" How do you even have time for that ? " I questioned , referring to his job .

He shrugged before replying , his tone half sarcastic half sincere " Well , I don't post a new video every single day . It does take time ."

I was beyond impressed and that showed in my voice and whole demeanour . I also felt a lot more comfortable as the conversation flowed smoothly , a stark contrast to my mood few moments ago .

" Man ! That's awesome . " I expressed rather enthusiastically before sighing in content and leaning back on my seat , deciding to rest for a while .

Haruka honestly wanted to talk some more , ask about his friend's life but knew the other male may need a nap or something . The rest of the ride went by uneventfully until they reached Haruka's apartment where they helped Kaname unpack and settle in then bid him goodnight . It was real late , after all .

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The next morning , Kaname woke up early , seeing as how he'd slept a lot the day before . He was lying in bed , checking his phone and decided to call his parents , tell them he was fine and delivered in one piece . Even though he didn't exactly spend much time with them in Canada , staying in a separate country made him miss them so much . The phone call was pleasant and short . As soon as it ended , a knock on the door resonated about , catching his attention .

" Yes ? " Kaname answered as he stood up , heading towards the door which he swayed open to reveal a sleepy looking Haruka - nothing unusual - who seemed to be kicked out of bed . True enough , the elder yawned and said something about Zero forcing him to wake up and check on his friend . Kaname could only chuckle at that .

" Morning to you too , Haruka . "

the elder sarcastically nodded , pointing towards the direction of the dining table as he informed his friend " Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes , smartass . "

Kaname nodded , already concluding that cooking was the shorter male's job . Well , it was not hard to believe . After all , Haruka was too lazy to fit the role .

the elder then excused himself to give Kaname his privacy . No sooner had Haruka left than a certain rich voice echoed about the cozy apartment .

" Haruka ! Breakfast is ready ! " Zero shouted , knowing that his boyfriend would tell their guest to come as well .

The aura between Kaname and the silver haired male still radiated a touch of awkwardness but it was obvious that Zero was doing his best to be friendly and Kaname started to feel honestly bad for the guy . However , if there was anything Kaname lacked in terms of social skills , it was the fact he could never pretend to be comfortable in a situation he was not in the least bit thrilled to be in .

Which was why it should not come as a surprise that breakfast was painfully awkward for a certain brown haired male , namely , Kaname . To the point that even Haruka took notice of it and so , in an attempt to break the silence , he decided to initiate a conversation -oblivious to the impact such thing would have on his friend - .

" Zero - as odd as it may seem - is a vet . "

the shorter male who was eating peacefully , slowed down as he heard that .

 _What suddenly possessed Haruka to talk about my profession ?_ Zero inwardly questioned himself but made no effort to interrupt his boyfriend .

" We first met when I took my dog to his clinic . The girls there kept whispering and well , fawning over me which made Zero amused yet uncomfortable . " Haruka narrated and Zero let out a chuckle , his hands covering his mouth ( Something that Kaname noticed him doing , more often than not ) as his violet eyes turned into adorable crescents . Haruka smiled at his boyfriend's reaction and nearly chuckled as well then proceeded filling Kaname in on everything . the younger was tempted to make him stop because listening to their love story did not appeal to him in the very least due to obvious reasons but since Haruka did not know about his friend's High school life in Canada , Kaname could neither blame nor stop him , especially not when he seemed so enthusiastic about it .

 _Something I probably would never have the privilege to feel_. Kaname thought wistfully .

 _I'm really not interested , Haruka ._ the words almost left his mouth . But that would have been plain rude , not to mention suspicious . Because usually , he found anything about Haruka fairly interesting . So it's with great self-control that he forced himself to listen and seem somewhat interested .

" He sent me a look and said he didn't want the clinic to turn into a place for a fan-signing event . I literally cracked up at that . And surprisingly , Zero joined me . After a good minute of laughter , the aura between us seemed less tense and more friendly . He proved to be a good vet and person in general I couldn't help but get attached . After that time , I made a habit of visiting his clinic and he didn't seem to mind which further encouraged me . The rest is quite predictable. " Haruka talked non-stop , his eyes practically sparkling as he recalled those memories .

 _Is it just me or is the food horrible ?_

Sneaking a glance at the other two , Kaname realized it must have been him , because Haruka and his boyfriend were nearly devouring their plates .

 _Great ! My bitter mood won't even allow me to enjoy a fucking simple meal . Could my life get any worse ?_ As soon as he inwardly asked that , Zero lifted his head and looked at him , making the said understandably freak out .

 _Did I say it out loud ? Oh God . Please no ._

" Kaname-san , is the food not to your liking ? Should I have prepared some western dishes ? I don't cook non-Japanese food but I could try or maybe we can go out and eat in a restaurant of your choice , ha ? " He started bombarding Kaname with questions and the latter was torn between staying polite , shaking his head , and finishing his meal just to make the silverette relax , and claiming he just had a bad appetite before excusing himself . Either of which would make him look disrespectful and he couldn't have that , especially since Haruka offered , scratch that , insisted that he spends his stay with him . He couldn't mistreat Haruka's boyfriend . And it's not that he wanted to . He didn't dislike Zero . However , he really wanted to limit his interaction with the guy as much as possible , lest he ended up getting suffocated and overwhelmed by his own memories . Zero being extra nice and hospitable really did not help .

" Oh ! No . I'm just not really hungry right now . Don't worry though , I'm sure the food is as delicious as it looks . " Kaname did his best trying to sound friendly but that slowly vanished when he noticed how Zero looked at him like he could see through all of it . His expression was bittersweet , like he knew everything and felt dejected for Kaname's sake and for his own . However , the slight sadness in his eyes left as quickly as it had appeared , replaced with a cheerful smile as he insisted that Kaname drinks some coffee or whatever he wanted , at least . Seeing no point in rejecting his hospitality every single time , Kaname nodded , telling him he would love that . Zero grinned and stood up , heading towards the kitchen and Kaname was about to stop him ( since he didn't have to leave his breakfast unfinished just to prepare him some coffee ) but Haruka interrupted , saying it was okay and that Zero has already finished eating any ways . Kaname quickly looked at his plate and confirmed Haruka's words , making him feel less guilty . What he heard next though , changed that .

" Loosen up , Kaname . Zero seems worried . He thinks you are not comfortable around him and since you are my best friend , he is doing his best to befriend you . " Haruka whispered uneasily . the words surprised Kaname but the fact Haruka himself seemed just as surprised astonished him beyond words . He couldn't blame him though . Haruka is just not the type to say that , especially not to his best friend . _It must have surprised him as well_ .

Kaname kept blinking few times then furrowed his eyebrows , making the other rub his neck nervously .

" I mean .. There's nothing to be shy or awkward about .. " He trailed off , waiting for the younger to take the hint .

 _Oh my God . He actually thought I was uncomfortable because of the fact he had a_ _ **boy**_ _friend_ .

" Oh ! Oh ! No , Haruka . it's not what you think . " Exclaiming , Kaname shook his head and hands vigorously . The amount of relief he saw in his friend's eyes nearly made him burst into laughter . The whole situation took a very hilarious turn until Haruka asked " If it's not that then what ? " the elder wasn't generally a nosy person but Kaname was his best friend and so it was only natural of him to ask , but the younger didn't appreciate that at the moment .

" Nothing serious . I just take time to open up . " Kaname said , shrugging along as he prayed his friend would buy that lie .

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The next few days consisted of constant exposure to a certain short silver haired male since Kaname tried his best to get more comfortable around Zero , mostly for his friend's sake . He started initiating some casual talks and finally , it worked out . _Too well , in fact ._ Maybe because fate plays by its own rules .

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Kaname was sitting on the sofa , checking something on his phone when a fluffy ball bounced on his lap , namely , one of Zero's puppies . As if on cue , the owner came rushing to the living room , calling his pet , only to gasp softly as he noticed Kang sitting comfortably on Kaname's lap . The shorter male had no idea if the elder liked puppies and felt so nervous about picking his pet up from the brunette male's lap . Add on the fact he always felt awkward around the elder .

" Kang , come here ! " Opting to vocal command , Zero put on his most strict expression . However and much to his embarrassment , the puppy did not budge the slightest . Kaname chuckled and started playing with kang , obviously not minding the whole situation . A loud and excited bark resonated about as , dong , the other puppy came and started spinning around its owner . Giggling , Zero kneeled down and gently ruffled its head then picked it up and sat on the chair , eyes traveling back to Kaname who had on a charming smile as he played with Kang .

That was the first time they started feeling relatively comfortable around each other .

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At first , he was doing it for Haruka but eventually , Kaname found himself truly enjoying his time with Zero , to the point he started spending more time with him than his friend , which didn't go unnoticed by the eldest who voiced out his playful complaint , to which Kaname laughed and reasoned , saying Zero was more fun to be around .

From the recording studio to the pets clinic , Kaname's priorities changed . He would spend the day playing with different puppies , smiling dreamily when Zero would chuckle at him or talk to the pet owners . Just hearing the younger's voice filled him with inexplicable joy .

The signs were there and , deep inside , he knew what they meant . But that could never stop his heart from racing whenever he gazed at his best friend's lover . He prefered to ignore those feelings blooming in his heart day by day and instead , chose to bask in the pure rush of happiness he felt every time he saw Zero smile at him .

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It took me a day . One day to like him , another to feel attracted , a third to get attached and realize I would miss him - badly - . One to feel confused .. It didn't make sense . I wasn't homosexual .. Not against it but not expecting it to involve me either .

 __Besides , Zero wasn't just anyone in a relationship . He already had a lover and that lover being Haruka made everything a thousand times complicated .

I didn't know why . Was it because of such thing being unattainable ? Was I intrigued because it was wrong ?

I knew that 'everything is fair in love and war' . I knew I could try to win Zero's heart . But that would only be acceptable if he had no relation to Haruka . It could have been acceptable if Zero wasn't in love with Haruka . It would have been awful for the eldest to see his best friend stealing the love of his life away from him . But then again , it wouldn't be considered stealing , if Zero didn't belong to Haruka in the first place . But fate had it's saying in it , after all . Zero did fall for Haruka . Zero did appear in Haruka's life first . they were both in love and that was final - enough for Kaname to deem his prior thoughts and arguments invalid - .

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Truth is , Zero reminded him of someone - his first love - . Not just the girl he found cute during school days . No . His real first love , The girl he loved in college . She was of the same age , same class , same group of friends .

 _Day by day , he found himself liking her . And then he decided to surprise all of his friends and confess . But then , as astonishing as it may sound , she also had a surprise . She and one of their friends . How Laughable ! Kaname was standing in front of her , ready to ask her out , feeling the adrenaline pumping in his blood , his excitement reaching its climax ._

 _The cliche " I have a surprise ._

 _Me too !_

 _Oh ! You go first " thing took place ._

 _Kaname being brave and barely containing his excitement , revealed it all , only to have the girl stare at him in surprise , like such thing never fell in her expectations then she got awkward , directing her eyes to the male beside her , as if asking him to help . Her eyes had a look of feeling sorry .. Kaname 's smile slowly faltered as he started roaming his eyes from the girl to his friend in a calculating manner ._

 _" Uh .. umm , Kaname . We were about to tell you guys that .. John and I have been in love for a while but only recently realized it so we were planning for our engagement and .. " She trailed off , feeling her partner's hands on her shoulder , assuring , comforting and most importantly , possessive . The guy was one of Kaname's friends , not that close but still a friend . He couldn't blame Kaname or display his jealousy much because really .. What's the point ? It's not Kaname's fault . After all , no one in the group expected John and her to be in love . She wasn't his so no one could blame Kaname . The situation itself was terrible , in the least of terms , especially since Kaname knew he didn't just like the girl , it was more than that . He had firmly believed she was the one for him ._

 _The small group of friends never made fun of Kaname , making him feel grateful he didn't decide to propose in front of the whole class . Yet he could also feel how tense everyone had gotten . He could read pity in their eyes ._

And now what .. Now he is gazing at an exact replica of her - Zero - . In and out , appearance and personality wise .

It was almost like a huge Deja vu and yet not that similar .

At least back then , he had no idea the girl's heart was already taken .

But now ..

Now he knows Zero is . He knows He belongs to his best friend . He knows they are happy together .

It wasn't easy knowing he would have to stay with two lovers , one of them his best friend and the other a reminder of his bittersweet first love .

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It didn't make sense . If he were to envy one of them . He should be envying Zero , right ? Because Kaname already knew how great of a person Haruka is . Alas , instead , he found himself wanting to be his friend , wanting Haruka's role . It didn't help that Zero was incredibly nice and adorable .

At first , Kaname thought he was strong enough to stop his feelings towards the silverette from growing any further . But realistically , he couldn't . In fact and as if intentionally provoking him , he found himself getting even more attracted to the said . He had started avoiding the couple as much as he could , but they always found a way to include him . He knew they meant no harm . They didn't know anything and he planned to keep it that way for the good of everyone .. But .. His resolve was bound to shatter one day , when Haruka was out leaving two males together , one being his best friend and the other his lover .. One being attracted to the second whilst the other was clueless . Then Boredom kicked in .

It was nearing the end of the day and Haruka was still out .  
Kaname had already decided to shackle his feelings , caging them securely by his conscience . But then , they opted for a drink , innocently doing so . No lurking . No plotting .

One moment , they were laughing ,telling each other stories about Haruka and how they met him , and the other , they were panting , recovering from the fit of laughter . And panting they did , whilst gazing at each other . A sin was bound to erupt . The elder leaned closer and the silverette did nothing to resist it . Their eyes met and locked then lowered , stopping on each other's lips . They could feel their breaths hitting and clashing against each other , bodies drawing closer bit by bit . They let their eyes slide shut and finally connected their lips in a slow and hesitant but mutually desired rhythm . It felt like forever until they pulled apart and when Kaname was about to proceed further , peppering Zero's neck with kisses , something stopped him . Something woke him from his trance . Right there , Zero's exposed neck wasn't plain . There was a tattoo and a mark .  
Something inside his mind snapped , waking him up . There was no mistaking it ..

Zero slowly followed the elder , sobering up as well , a memory vividly appearing in his mind . He could still recall it . _The day Haruka's obsession towards art and tattooing landed on Zero . He could still feel it , the way Haruka's hands delicately held the brush , the way he scolded him for giggling , saying how he was messing his work . But Zero couldn't help it . It was ticklish !_

Though they had both been drunk , such thoughts were enough to sober them up . Kaname's loyalty was way more strong and transcendent . Haruka's friendship was a lot more valuable than whatever he had felt towards Zero ..

As for Zero , The bond he shared with Haruka was also way more valuable to shatter for a mere moment , on a whim . Zero couldn't deny how appealing Kaname was . He was maybe even a little attracted to the said . And maybe.. that's why he let himself enjoy such kiss instead of pulling away instantly . Kaname was handsome and truly nice , he was a good kisser as well .. That automatically made him pass the stage of initial rejection . Maybe if it were some random drunk average guy , Zero wouldn't have gave it second thoughts . Simply speaking , such moments of weakness are not impossible . And Human beings are by no means flawless or impeccable . Zero felt a wave of mixed emotions as he realized his situation .  
A part of him wanted it yet the other part dominated . And that was enough to make their heated moment ground to an abrupt and much needed halt .

Pulling away slowly , Kaname found himself letting out the softest chuckle . All of it felt surreal . They needn't words . Kaname needn't voice his apology . And Zero needn't voice his agreement that he was just as guilty . He needn't ask the other male to keep it from Haruka .

They kept on gazing at each other before Kaname drew in some oxygen and gently expressed " you are lovely . " , effectively making a soft blush dance it's way to Zero's cheeks . The younger lowered his eyes , making his eyelashes intensify the beauty he already possessed . But that was all . That was the closure . Kaname believed he needed such moment to wake up .

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After that night , he had spent the days depriving himself of sleep despite his need to . He had lost sense of time . he couldn't even tell when a new day ended and when another started . such night shook him up in a way he found himself coming to a stop . He couldn't help the flood of disgust invading his entire being whenever his train of thoughts stumbled upon that .. What could have transpired between them that night . In all honesty , Kaname couldn't even begin to describe how grateful he was for it never escalating any further . Otherwise , he would have had a very hard time looking Haruka in the eyes ( or his own reflection )

They could have .. They could have sinned that night , unconsciously or not . Because truthfully , if God forbid , it actually happened , Kaname doubted something as trivial as their consciousness or lack thereof would have made any difference in the final outcome . It was irrefutably hideous and utterly disgusting . Because , no matter what , he knew that some part in him actually wanted , longed for and openly desired it with no shame .

Maybe he was bound to fall for the wrong people . Maybe " love " wouldn't just work for him . Maybe he should stop hoping for such feeling to be rightfully his .

On the other hand , Zero honestly thought it would keep on haunting him to the point he considered telling Haruka the truth , confessing his crime . But he knew no matter how open minded a couple is , some things are better left in the dark .

 _It won't_ _haunt him , if he repents .. It won't , if he stays loyal_. That's what he kept telling himself . It was of course a bit hard at first , to not flinch at his own weakness whenever Haruka approached him after such thing . But he knew being naive and honest regarding every little detail would cost him a lot and he wasn't just about to let what he had carefully built with Haruka shatter and crumble down just because of a half attempted sin . Every time Haruka would get close and initiate a kiss , Zero would squeeze his eyes shut and kiss back , whispering his lover's name over and over again , like he was making sure of something , that it was Haruka he was kissing , to erase the memory of Kaname's lingering forbidden taste . Even now , as he stood washing the dishes and Haruka sneaked up on him , giving him a back hug , Zero trembled as a fresh pang of guilt assaulted his conscience despite knowing he was drunk back then . He wasn't in his right mind so it shouldn't be deemed as an act of betrayal . But that didn't make it hurt any less . In fact , he felt bad for Kaname because that night opened his eyes to the truth , that he somehow ended up making his lover's best friend love him and that saddened him . He couldn't even begin to imagine how painful it must have been for Kaname to endure those feelings , knowing he couldn't have the one person he loved .

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One day , Haruka woke up to find his friend packing his belongings all of a sudden . He'd asked why but the younger only told him he wanted to spend the rest of his stay in a certain hotel that overlooked a beautiful scenery . Haruka did his best to convince Kaname to stay some more but the other brunette was adamant on leaving . He didn't want to face Zero , to say goodbye , especially after their night together . And it was the golden opportunity since the vet was not home .

Kaname bid his friend farewell and left , planning to relax in a cafe after booking himself a room in a random hotel where he could easily take a walk and look at the sky , a hillside or something .

As soon as he finished the necessary procedures , he went to a nearby restaurant and ordered some coffee , bitter to match his mood . He sipped the warm drink , careful not to let it scald his throat . It was bad enough he felt his heart scalded already . It was bad enough he felt unbearably suffocated and terribly alone .

A wistful sigh fought it's way out of his mouth and if one was observant , they would instantly feel rather than see how much Kaname's eyes were laden with melancholy .

 _One day , two days , I can't forget you . I can see you in my tears ._

 __Maybe he was sad , alone , and fucked up .  
But he still did the right thing , right ? Though he 'd reached a point where he couldn't tell the difference anymore . Was it right to lead a lonely life , to sacrifice his own happiness just to make sure others could live happily ? How does that sound right ? He thought ruefully then shook his head and left some money on the table before walking out of the place .

 _Even though I call you , you are not here . When I'm alone , I think of you . I just miss you so much ._

True enough , his hotel choice was perfect for his plans . No sooner had he reached his room than he went out again . He felt like he would get suffocated because of his raging emotions if he stayed confined in there . His room overlooked a hillside surrounded by the ocean . once he got there , He thought of something .

 _There's no answer in love ._

He knew how bitter of a taste it was when you want something but you can't have it . He knew that there are people in this world who get whatever they want . And on other side , there exists people like him too who are loveless or deprived of what they want .

It was then that he realized .. The nagging feeling that he had back then was in no way related to Canada or even Japan .. Now that he had spent the last few days here , he could finally tell , not even Tokyo feels like home . And he was sure nothing would . Maybe he was meant to feel homeless his whole life , in a very twisted way .. He does have two countries for a bigger home , he does have a family , a house , a job .. But he could never gaze at someone and safely say " I feel home " ..

It's only a matter of time till his parents bid farewell to this life and after that , He would really have nothing remotely close to the term " home " , though his time may come sooner than theirs ..

" How .. depressing . " Mumbling softly , he watched with pained eyes as the sun slowly descended , ready to depart to the other side of the globe in a manner much the same as how luck would travel around , offering a helping hand to some people then quickly shifting to others .

A lone tear made its way down his cheeks when he let out a deep sigh , closing his eyes and leaning his head back , hands in pockets ..

Droplets from the sky landed on his cheeks but he mistook it for his own tears .

He just thought .. Will I be able to love again ? Will I be able to stand the pain ?

As if the sky was ready to share his pain , the clouds moved out of nowhere , covering the dusking sky before it started raining heavily .

A sad smile etched on his face as he looked up at the sky and asked " Crying along with me .. ? Are you ? "

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6881 words

Xoxo Zerovk


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